Allow me to open this short message by quoting Chapter 30, verse 21 of the Qur’an, which lays down the philosophy of marriage:
WA MIN ĀYĀTIHI AN KHALAQALAKUM MIN ANFUSIKUM AZWAJĀ – “And among His signs is that He created mates for you from among yourselves…”
LITASKUNŪ ILAYHĀ – “…so that you may dwell in tranquility with them”
WA JA‘ALA BAYNAKUM MAWADDATAWWA RAḤMAH – “…and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts).”
From this short Qur’anic passage, certain principles could be derived:
1 – Man and woman are of the same nature – KHALAQALAKUM MIN ANFUSIKUM AZWAJĀ – they only differ in functions as well as duties and responsibilities
2 – One purpose of marriage is to find peace of mind and tranquility of the heart – LITASKUNŪ ILAYHĀ
3 – Under the bond of wedlock, love and mercy are put into our hearts. What is interesting here is that the Arabic word for ‘love’ in this passage is not ‘ISHQ or ḤUBB which also means ‘love’. Instead, what is used here is MAWADDAH, which means ‘mutual love’; that is, a two-way traffic love.
After quoting this passage, let me leave you these reminders:
• Marriage is a religious-social contract which must be abided by both parties in letter and spirit as much as we can.
• Marriage does not mean union of identical personalities, but a celebration of differences and living together with those differences.
• To be in love does not mean looking at each other eye-to-eye, but to look toward the same direction.
• The best way to have the ideal wife is to try to be the ideal husband yourself; in the same manner, the finest method of having the ideal husband is to strive to be the ideal wife yourself.
• Lastly, as you are the earth and moon to each other, don’t forget to revolve together around the same Sun – which is your Ultimate Beloved.
We wish you the best of luck in your new stage of life journey!
RABBANĀ HABLANĀ MIN AZWĀJINĀ WA DHURRIYYATINĀ QURRATA A‘YUN, WAJ‘ALNĀ LIL-MUTTAQĪNĀ IMAMĀ (Our Lord! Grant us comfort in our spouses and descendants, and make us imams of the God-wary). (Q 25:74)